Module 3
Who Does What
Clarity over responsibility prevents confusion and resentment
In most families, one person becomes the default carer — usually whoever was closest, most available, or simply said yes first. That person then ends up doing everything, not because it was agreed, but because it was never discussed.
One person may lead, but should not do everything
Care has different categories of responsibility. Assigning ownership — even informally — reduces confusion, prevents duplication, and makes it easier to ask for help. Support can come from family, friends, neighbours, and professionals.
Key responsibility areas
Household support
Meals, cleaning, shopping, home maintenance, and daily domestic tasks.
Personal care and mobility
Bathing, dressing, continence care, mobility assistance, and physical safety.
Emotional support
Companionship, conversation, checking in, and reducing isolation.
Health and medical coordination
Appointments, medications, test results, provider communication, and care notes.
Scheduling and communication
Coordinating between family members, updating those not present, and managing appointments.
Financial and legal administration
Bills, accounts, benefits, documents, and any legal authority arrangements.
Backup and respite coverage
Covering for the primary carer, providing breaks, and being available in an emergency.
Questions to think through
- Have these responsibility areas been explicitly discussed, or have they just happened by default?
- Is one person carrying significantly more than others — and is that sustainable?
- Are there family members who want to contribute but do not know how?
- Which areas need professional or paid support because family capacity is not enough?
- If the primary carer became unavailable tomorrow, what would break immediately?